Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
