i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
