Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
