You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
