So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
