Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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