Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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