She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
