I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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