so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
