It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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