Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
