I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
