we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
