I wanna bring you to show and tell
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
