make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
