that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
