I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
