you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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