My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
