if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Mom said you looked used
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
