The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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