Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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