I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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