At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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