you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
