Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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