And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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