part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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