Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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