i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
