Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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