Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
