You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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