i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
