I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
