You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
