Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
