I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm too high and old for this...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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