Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
