Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
