hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
