hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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