I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
