she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
