Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
