sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I love you. Go after that dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
