New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
