After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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