isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
