So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
