Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
